“There is expected to be a massive turn out at Mansion House in Dublin this Saturday, we are expecting big numbers.” said activist Rachel.

Concerns were originally voiced during last Sundays sermon by Parish Priest Fr. Murphy, when he noticed an alarming rate of prayers for forgiveness in confession among his middle-aged male flock. In his impassioned plea, Fr. Murphy told his congregation, “they needed to be strong in these times of darkness”

“There are growing amounts of middle aged male cyclists spotted around the country in white bicycle shorts”. Rachel, also the newly appointed spokesperson for  LAMIWBS – (Ladies Against Men In White Bicycles Shorts), stated “It’s just getting out of hand. First we believe it was innocent, but the sale of shorts have rocketed. This trend is replacing the swipe right of Tinder. Frankly we find them ugly, offensive and far too suggestive. Before we could hit the roads for a Sunday spin and relax. Now everywhere we look, there are see through cracks and swinging pendulums”.

She added,

“these sights are now beginning to infiltrate our beloved Adventure Racing. And as we heading into the wetter and muckier time of the year, we expect things to get a whole lot more graphic. It’s the last thing I want to see in my eye-line clambering up Croagh Patrick”.

Rachel explained “I mean some of these guys are just doing the short course races. They will cycle for 20 mins tops. No need for bike shorts there”.

When asked can she see a ban to sale of them, “Hopefully, but it’ll be a tough battle. Things are progressing at an alarming rate. We have reports of middle aged men who once were just wearing the shorts, now upgrading to white tri-suits. It’s like a gateway drug. Where does this stop?”.

We will keep you abreast of how this one pans out.

The Giggle: Satirical bullsh!t in a world gone mad! Warning! Very strong likelihood the above events never happened.